WebMD characterizes “imposter syndrome” as doubting your own skills and successes. They state that when you suffer from imposter syndrome “you feel you’re not as talented or worthy as others believe, and you’re scared that one day, people will realize that.”
When I first started this blog, I was overwhelmed by and grateful for the many expressions of support. What surprised me, however, was my reaction to comments such as “You got this”, “You are so brave”, or, “You are such an inspiration.” The more of these comments I received, the more hesitant I became to continue blogging. I didn’t feel worthy of the adulation … I felt like an imposter!!!
As much as I felt like an imposter with every blog post I wrote, I have been feeling an ever increasing desire to continue blogging. There is much I want to share as a digital health advocate turned patient.
My initial reaction on reading that people felt that I was “courageous” or “strong” is “what choice do I have?” Winston Churchill summed my perspective in one simple sentence “If you’re going through hell, keep going.”
I was certainly going through hell, particularly with the second transplant, so the only pragmatic response in my view was to face each day in as positive a manner as I could muster. As Churchill also observed, “attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.”
Eddie Rickenbacker, the most successful and decorated American pilot of World War I, claimed that “courage is doing what you are afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you are scared.”
As I tried to reconcile my feelings that I was an imposter with an increasingly strong desire to continue to blog about my situation, I realized that I was mustering a positive attitude despite being very, very scared. This realization shed a different light on how I viewed courage.
I still feel somewhat uncomfortable being told that I am brave or courageous. However, not enough to stop blogging. More importantly, hearing that I have inspired someone in some manner encourages me to continue to blogging.
Thanks for listening,
Mike
The Cancer Card 